Masters of the Universe
An ice farmer from the wild northland.
Born to the Misterfreezian people of the wild Northland, Tim Frostbucket knows only two things…....death and ICE! His father and his father before him were ice farmers. Always ready for an attack from the wild Frost Kobolds and/or Wampas that inhabit their glacial home, the Misterfreezian people have carved out a living from the frozen earth for billions of years. The life of an ice farmer is hard and dangerous, for reelz, but the glacier always provided the Misterfreezian people with a “cool” bounty. In return they took only what they needed, maintaining a careful balance. As the old Misterfreezian saying goes, “you gotsta treat that glacier right if you wants a piece of dat ice”. When Tim Frostbucket was just a boy, men from the south came to the glacier. They sought the precious ice that the Misterfreezian traders brought to their villages. The men from the south began to strip the glacier of its ice. They paid no regard to the careful balance that the Misterfreezians had maintained for so long. Then it happened…..a great rumble grew from deep within the glacier. A nameless evil had been awoken by the greed of man. Patches was the name of that nameless evil. The great mammoth had slumbered within the glacier for five countless eons but now it stirred. Patches’ black heart was full of moxy…....and eeevil. The Misterfreezians had no warning when Patches descended on their village like an angry mammoth descends on a small group of people. They were slaughtered. Tim Frostbucket watched as his mother was crushed by Patches’ unholy testes. Tim can recall nothing after that. He knows not why he alone survived the “mammoth”(air quotes)attack. He ventured into the Southlands and began to level up for his inevitable battle with the great Patches. Only after that woolly behemoth is dead will Tim Frostbucket be at peace.
To sum up. Misterfreezians(native americans) mine ice but don’t take to much. Men from the south(conservatives) take tons of ice. They make Patches(global warming) mad. And Patches(global warming) kills the Misterfreezians(native americans) and Tim Frostbucket(Al Gore) has to get tuff and defeat Patches(global warming) once and for all.